Friday, August 14, 2009

Firsts...


Results were finally announced yesterday about half an hour before noon and they were almost as I had expected. I did not clear either of the groups. I have been exempted from writing one paper since I scored above sixty in that one but will have to write the rest of the seven papers. That hurt!

I was hoping that I would pass the first group at least and I did pass all papers individually but did not make the required aggregate. But hey, as someone told me, one paper less is also a silver lining.

I have not over reacted and this piece of news has not affected me that badly that it will take a lot of time for me to recover and then start studying as I was mentally prepared for this for quite sometime now. Family and friends have been supportive as most of them are aware of how the CA Institute is ruthless when it comes to passing people (I'm not saying that I should have passed and they deliberately failed me when I had written the papers so well, but the level of difficulty, the extent of preparation and the vastness of the syllabus is not hidden from anyone.)

When I used to discuss the possible outcomes of my results I always used to say that I wish I passed but there is a high chance that I may not. Amma told me to think positive to which my response was I am being positive but in this case I am also being practical. There'd be nothing greater if I passed but I (and also the family) should be prepared for whatever the outcome may be. So I sort of was hoping for the best and at the same time was prepared for the worst.

And even being prepared for the worst does not help when you actually come to terms with reality. It was a totally different feeling looking at the computer screen that said "F-EX" (failed with exemption) for one group and "FAIL" for the other. I have never failed in my life - EVER! This was the first time and somehow even though I had visualized this many times before it was hard to actually absorb the fact; especially that I lost the aggregate for group one by just eight marks!

For a paper that I was expecting to barely scrape through I got fifty and two others where I performed reasonably decently, I was just given forty and forty one marks. The exemption has been a saving grace (and even there; for a paper where all my answers were correct and I had written for ninety six marks, I was given sixty one when I was expecting around seventy to seventy five.) A few marks here and there would have saved me the trouble of writing the first group again (three papers that is!)

Group two as I said had gone horribly and I had no hopes of even passing and here I was proved extremely correct although the marks awarded to me in Costing were much less than what I had written for - so less that I didn't even make it to forty (which is the minimum required to pass in a subject.) I knew that I would screw up the second group because of both the Taxes and there I was right.

So yeah, I bore the brunt of failure for the first time in my life; one of the many Firsts that have happened this year. The only good part about this is my attitude towards the second attempt and I am proud of the way I am handling the situation. I know the mistakes I made during my first attempt and my efforts are going to be directed towards rectifying them primarily. I am also better prepared for the November exams now in the sense that I have gone through the syllabus before, I have faced the tension and anxiety during the exams, I am in a better position to plan my studies and execute the plan and the results will follow and this time I will choose what the results will be and not the Institute.

So now that I have made my resolve public, I have to prove myself right and that'll be one of the forces driving me to make it this time.

For me apart from this being my first failure, I count it as an experience; something I should learn from. Everyone should experience everything at least once in an entire lifetime. I am glad that I faced failure at this stage when I have not even fully started my career and not at such a stage in my life where I could lose everything. The way I look at it, I haven't lost anything; a few months' time maybe but the efforts I have put in these past few months (however little they maybe) will help a great deal for my second attempt.

On this note, I would like to add that even though it isn't over yet, it's not that far either. It's just a matter of time and requires a little more patience and a lot more effort. I'll be writing pretty regularly of course (need this outlet for release of tension) but there'll be no compromises this time and there'll be a much happier and exciting post for you all to read in January (that's when the results for the November exams will be announced!)

- Azaad!

1 comment:

  1. Failures are always disheartening..but when u get back on ur feet again..u r much more stronger..that is their purpose..and reading ur post..i know..u have taken it in the right sense..and i also know..that in ur second attempt..U WILL GET A RANK!!! :)

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