People, who know me, know me as a lively person, who keeps chattering and goes on and on even hours after people stop listening to or caring about what I’ve been saying. Obviously that’s the truth, but only partly. Recently I have discovered another side to this chirpy-talkative personality, and it has shocked me to my very core. Before I go on to that, let me give you a background about the way I am.
I obviously talk a lot (not immediately when I meet someone new, but once I’m familiar with a person and have spent quite some time with them). I love listening to loud music – my stereo must be tired of playing songs from all genres at such high volumes that right about now, it’s happy to be resting for a while. When I’m not doing anything else, I’m almost always on the phone talking to friends – if not discussing recent events in each others’ lives then reminiscing (because I always have something to talk about and it is not imperative for the other person to participate in the conversation; just fueling it would more than do the trick).
That’s pretty much the gist of how I am most of the times. You would think that the only time I am quiet would be when I’m sleeping, but I’m sorry to break that bubble too. I talk in my sleep. Yeah! Not paragraphs (as my friends put it) but simple one-liners that generally don’t make sense (information volunteered by my mother and sister who have been the ones at the listening end of it; and Jyothi – a few times). The point is; I am NOT a QUIET person.
So if I am not quiet myself, it is ridiculous, irrational and almost unreasonable of me to expect others around me to be quiet. But of late (for nearly a year now) I have had this pressing need to have silence around me; and by silence I mean I-would-want-to-hear-the-swish-of-the-trees-when-the-wind-blows-past-them kind of silence. I’m sure you’re not more surprised than I am!
I get irritated at the slightest of sounds around me and I am not exaggerating. Let me give an example.
Say I am sitting in the living room and reading something very interesting and Natasha walks by dragging her feet over the floor rather than stepping one foot over the other (which is how ‘normal’ people walk by the way) which would have avoided the sound that her slippers make while she drags them along with her feet all over the floor – THAT is one sound I could live without; and at that moment when she is in the process of merely walking from one room to another (otherwise quietly except for the screeching noise made by her slippers), to me, it sounds as if a banshee just went ultrasonic right next to my ear drums. Well, not exactly, but it breaks my concentration and THAT plainly gets on my nerves.
From being one of the most ‘averse to silence’ people I know (even the people I know may not know someone close to the way I am), I have suddenly turned into – and don’t think that I haven’t recognized or realized this – (apparently) an old lady. Even my grandfather who’s almost 85 can tolerate more noise (and here I mean actual noise like children fighting and screaming, and death metal songs played at high volumes) than this! So what’s wrong with me?
I once heard my sister refer to me as ‘boring’ while talking to my mother just because I complained about how much of sound there was around when she was there. And honestly, when she’s at a friend’s place for a few days, I enjoy the silence. I get so much more done. I almost finished a book in one day, I did quite a few chores around the house without being told, and as much as it is unlike me to admit it, I enjoyed the silence that enveloped the house and my own company for those 48 hours!
But I was never the one who would live like this; and definitely not someone who would be happy about it. Is it because there is a lot on my mind that I want to think about (because I’m positive that that’s definitely not the case), or is it because I do not like people around me anymore??? I’m not considering that even as a possibility. I love everyone around me. I have chosen my inner circle with great care (not my family… ‘coz well, I didn’t get to choose them; but they’re all pretty great the way they are!) So what could be the possible reason?
Oh no!! I can’t believe that it’s because of THIS. I’m scared to even admit it. Is it because I’m getting… um… Old???