Sunday, January 22, 2012

Dear Mr. Stalker

I’ve been meaning to do this for a long time, but every time I got around to starting this, something important and urgent would come up and I thought this verbal bashing could wait a day or two.  After finishing all of my important tasks, I finally have time to do something I would have totally not bothered about if it hadn’t gone this far.

I have only done this once before and I hope I don’t have to do this again because this is my happy place and despite someone’s best efforts for over two years now, I have managed to keep it that way. That’s more than I can say about my strong will and determination.

Before I start out, I want to make a few things clear. This post has a purpose and for that it is a very long post, probably much longer than the longest one I have written yet, and in no way am I going to censor any part of it and that may take a toll on my usually flowery language that I use here. But the situation demands that as much as it demands this post itself. So here goes...

Dear Mr. Stalker,

Thank you so much for keeping me, my family and my friends entertained with your wonderful and hilarious comments on my blog posts and your wonderful insights on my life and my life decisions. At this point, I would also like to extend a very sincere ‘thank you’ for diligently reading my blog for the last two years and being my #1 reader in spite of the dearth in posting this past one year. I can’t express how much this means to me because to express that emotion, words are failing me.

That being said, there are a few things that strongly scream CONTRADICTION in terms of what you say and what you do, so I am going to point those out to you. Consider this as a return gift for the suggestions and critical appraisal that you have been constantly sending my way. In no way am I ungrateful that you spared enough time to do a detailed analysis of my life and my personality, because where would I have the time or money to get that done by a real professional, right? And when I say ‘real professional’ I don’t mean to doubt your abilities as a psycho analyst; I am just differentiating you - a regular person, from a trained professional who would charge a huge amount of money from me for what you have given me for free. So thank you, because I wouldn’t have been able to afford that.

On second thoughts, though, I could have been able to do that, again thanks to you. Let me explain how.

You see, I have this widget installed on my blog called ‘Site meter’ that shows me the number of visitors on my blog. It’s right there on the right sidebar. What it also does, is that it sends a weekly report of not only the number of visits, but also the page views per visit and looking at the constant rise in those numbers, I’m sure I would have made a pretty good fortune had I installed Google Ads on my page, yet again, thanks to you because those numbers would have been insignificant without your contribution. But then again, as you said, I am not that smart because I’ve failed the CA exams so many times, so you will have to excuse me for depending on you for your brilliant advice when I could have easily managed to trouble someone else with my (as you so endearingly pointed out) ‘pointless and meaningless life.’

But I digress. We were talking about something entirely different, so let me come right back on track. As I was saying, and please do not forget that I am not one bit unappreciative of what you’re doing here for me, because you’re practically looking out for me like my dad does; there’s something about the way you do it that tells me you don’t really believe what you say and here’s why.

You’ve mentioned countless number of times that my life is insignificant, boring, pointless, meaningless and a few other adjectives that I don’t remember right now. Naive and dumb that I am, I would have totally believed you had it not been for your constant interest in my life, because had it really been all of that, you wouldn’t have taken such keen interest in knowing what I am doing with my meaningless life, now, would you? And I’m not just saying this; I know this because you’re the only one that knows each one of my blog posts by heart. You are the only one who can quote things that I have written when sometimes, even I can’t. Not that I am not flattered by your patronage towards me, I just thought I’d let you know things about you, the way you have oh-so-sweetly always pointed out things about me.

Also, I remember you saying this in one of the e-mails that you said that my blog was for kindergarten kids; but wait a minute, aren’t you the one that reads my blog most often?? Shall I guess then, that you are a 3-4year old, a genius 3-4year old at that, because you, my friend, are so well versed with the internet, know legal parlance like it was a nursery rhyme and are teaching life lessons to everyone over the internet? Or is it just me? Should I feel lucky to be your chosen one?

By the way, did I ever thank you for writing such long e-mails to me over weekends??? I can understand the amount of time you’ve spent in writing to me. It’s almost as if you reserved your weekends for me. Or it could be that you didn’t have anything to do on weekends or anyone to spend it with and that’s why I was the lucky one to get all of your attention even though I already have family, friends and that special someone to dote over me.

But let me tell you something about your emails. They always managed to put me to sleep even when I wasn’t sleepy and you know how much I love sleeping! So they were like a blessing!! Really! But since I slept two paragraphs into your letters, I never managed to read till the end unlike you, who has probably read every single post I wrote at least a hundred times. So I apologize for my lack of interest in your emails ‘pen pal’ because you see, I am the kind of person that stays away from things I don’t like! If I don’t like a movie I’m watching, I change the channel, I don’t like a book I’m reading, I never go back to it, I don’t like someone I know, I stay away from them.

I used to think that’s what normal people did, until I met the likes of you who can’t stay away from things that bother them, rather, who come running back to things that they absolutely despise, like it’s a drug to them. So in this case, I think you should be thanking me because my blog gives you a high better than anything else ever could. I could be wrong, but I had to let you know what I thought.

Your comments and letters only used to be funny till we read your latest comment in which you mentioned you wanted to sue me for $100 million. That’s when they stopped being funny. They became rib-tickling, rolling over the floor laughing hi-fucking-larious! So once again, my entire family and all my friends have specifically asked me to extend a huge thank you for providing us with constant entertainment. Have you ever considered doing stand-up? Really, you seem to have a natural talent for it.

Here’s a glimpse of what you wrote, in case you don’t remember. (I’m sure that you do, but it’s more for the benefit of my other readers, that is, in case someone other than you does read my blog.)

I still don't get how I can encourage others by encouraging them?? Can someone explain that to me please?
Now, just so you don’t get ahead of yourself, I’m going to tell you why not to waste your time because if you are foolish enough to actually do that, I can just file for bankruptcy because I’m going to be honest with you, I don’t even have a hundred thousand Rupees to my name, let alone a hundred million dollars (I learnt that I had this option from the John Grisham books I’ve been reading. They’re very educational, I swear. Maybe if you had spent more time in reading such books than reading my blog, you would not have made the ridiculous assumption that I in fact would be able to pay a 100 million dollars. But since my blog interests you more than books, let me educate you. It’s going to be an honour.) Also, I think it’s really funny that you believe you are worth $100 million. Seriously, you crack me up.

Let me also inform you, that this is where the sarcasm stops (I cannot be sure of that though) and the use of profanity begins. So brace yourself, because I might just show you what ‘gutter-mouth’ really means. 

I am doing this as a blog post and not an email because there are so many email addresses that you have, that I really am not sure which was the right one because I sent an email on one of them and never got to hear anything from you. Also had I posted this as a reply to your comment, it would have been very very insanely long and there’s very little chance that you might actually bother to read my reply, because you failed to notice that I accepted your previous comment and also left a reply, and you assumed that I blocked your id and you created another one just to post the most recent comment.

But I am sure that you read my blog posts. So there could be no better way to ensure that the message is sent across. I chose this as a medium also because I am not afraid to let people know who I am or what I think.

And that makes me wonder if you are a little child who doesn’t care what someone says but just wails and whines and throws a tantrum to be heard and get some attention. So far, I refused to give you any attention, but here’s your fifteen minutes of (de)fame. You can thank me later.

So, to start with, you plan to sue me for defamation, eh? Hmm, so I wrote asshole on a poll. Did it say the poll was about you?? Did I write ‘Schwzik asshole’ or some permutation or combination of that? If not, there is no way you can prove it was directed towards you, unless you assume that. And who is going to lodge the complaint, some fake internet identity called ‘Schwzik’ who is a nobody over the Internet? Really? Because I am not sure you can do that.

I think you should first try and grasp what defamation means and if in fact it caused any damage to your reputation. From what I have seen on Twitter, you have been trying to act over smart and a few other people have the same opinion of you as I do, and their opinions are based solely on your interactions with them though you might try extremely hard to prove that I had something to do with it. 

And just FYI, to quote Wikipedia,

Mere vulgar abuse is an insult that is not necessarily defamatory because it is not intended to be taken literally or believed, or likely to cause real damage to a reputation. Vituperative statements made in anger, such as calling someone "an asshole" during a drunken argument, would likely be considered mere vulgar abuse and not defamatory.’
{You can read the complete article here.}

But you know what, go ahead and file a complaint. That way, at least you would have the balls to show your real identity to the world, because let’s face it, how can you defame someone who is already ashamed to let people know his real name and is ashamed to show his face over the internet. It doesn’t take any courage at all to belittle someone’s life, character and everything that a person does, especially when you do all of that under an assumed name or a fake identity, hiding behind the mask of anonymity. That’s what cowards do. But it does take a lot to own up to your statements and take responsibility for your words, actions and opinions. It doesn’t seem like you have enough courage to even tell people who you are, let alone own up to anything you did and that says a lot about your character without me having to defame you because you have done a wonderful job yourself. But maybe because you plan to file a lawsuit, you’ll grow a pair and stand up for your real identity.

Now for the bad news for you - although what I said cannot be proven as defamatory, you my friend have done so many things over the past two years that I have more than just one or two grounds to sue you - stalking, harassment and abetting suicide are a few off the top of my head. Let’s start with stalking, alright? And that sort of overlaps with harassment.

So, God knows how you found my blog, but you did and you read and commented on everything, blah blah blah, we all know that story. Then you went a few steps ahead and found me on every website I was registered on - Facebook, Twitter, Flickr, Script Frenzy, Blogcatalog, 20 Something Bloggers, LinkedIn and a few others I don’t even have track of; and you have left equally insightful comments (insightful here, is sarcastic for unnecessary, unwanted, irrelevant and irritating) at quite a few places, knowing very well that I would not have accepted your friend/follower requests and that I didn’t have any intentions to befriend you. It is also safe to say that anything you posted on any of these sites has now been meticulously deleted by you. I anyway do not have the patience to go through every single website and then search the whole place for something insignificant you wrote because believe it or not, I actually have other things to do than waste more time on this than necessary.

Unfortunately for you, I have saved all of the emails that you sent (whether I read them entirely or not) because I knew they would be handy someday, and this is what I have for you. I will now be discussing stalking/harassment further and let me also add abetting suicide to the list.

You said in one of your e-mails that the email address that you were using was created five years ago and you did not create it specifically to post comments on my blog. Let me remind you.

Now, that maybe true of that one email address, but I have at least five more addresses that you have used that can help me prove that you have contradicted your own statement.

You have also said that you have not tried to get any of my personal details by trying to get in touch with any of my friends. Well, you may not have wanted any details, but you have tried to get in touch with two of my friends over twitter and accused one of them of taking a supari from me. 

Now did you assume that my friends were my employees and they jumped into action every time I barked an order like they have nothing better to do? Do you think other people don’t have a mind of their own or that I have the power to convince every single one of my friends that you are the bad guy? Believe me, all I had to do, was forward your email and that did it.

You have also said things about me to my boyfriend with the intention of bad mouthing me but sadly for you, he knows me for over fifteen years and doesn’t need you to tell him what kind of a person I am. Not only that, you have an objection to him finding me cute and kind hearted. What the fuck, man? Does he need your certificate before he can decide who to spend the rest of his life with? I know you think I am worth nothing, but give some credit to others’ sensibilities and their ability to judge people they know. No one is dumb enough to consider the opinion of a stranger, especially when that stranger claims to know everything about a person they haven’t even spent two minutes with!

There are a few more things I want to talk about that emanate from the email you sent about two years ago. To jog your memory, I have added a screen shot of the relevant points.

The article/blog post mentioned in Point 1 can be found here.

In addition to what you have written in the email, you also told my boyfriend over twitter (tweets now deleted by you,) that I am corrupt because I bribed someone to get a driver’s license and you have repeated yourself (in your latest comment) like a broken record. Are you a fool? And do you consider everyone else to be as foolish as yourself to believe your nonsense? You assumed that since I didn’t blog about getting a license, I got one after I purchased my vehicle and that ‘ass’umption screams of ignorance. I bought my vehicle in 2009, but I learnt driving in 2006 when I had my summer vacations after SYBcom, and that’s when I got my driver’s license. But I guess you must have considered having a vehicle to be a pre-requisite to get a driver’s license and waited till you bought a vehicle to learn how to drive it.

If that wasn’t enough proof of your stupidity, you have claimed that I need a bachelor’s degree in teaching before I can teach anywhere - again, words written by an ignorant fool. I would require such a degree only if I was teaching at a school, or a college, but I teach at a private coaching class and that requires knowledge of the subject and the ability to teach.

You have also considered it a crime for friends to support their friends when they need it, but I can understand where that comes from. You don’t have any, so you don’t know what support means, and just because someone said “Dekh lenge” you assumed he was going to come after you with hockey sticks and hit the crap out of you.

So supporting friends is a crime, but apparently it isn’t a crime to tell someone you don’t even know that their life has no purpose, no meaning and they shouldn’t be living? Wasn’t that sweet of you, asking me to go jump off the top of a building? If you don’t remember what you said, here’s a reminder for you.

Unfortunately for you, I didn’t. But as you know, provoking someone to kill themselves is a crime. So that was about abetting suicide.

Where did you think you earned the right to tell me what to do? Did my parents ask you to play Godfather to me? I can be sure that they didn’t. So how come you get to tell me what to do with my life? Why the fuck do you care how many times I wrote and failed my CA exams? And why is it important to you that I clear my exams? Did you pay for my tuition? Was it your dream to see me grow up and be a CA? I’m sure the answers to all of those questions are no, no, no and some more ‘no’s.

And let me tell you, all of the unsolicited advice that you’ve given me over the last two years does count as harassment because you’ve continued to contact me even after I’ve politely asked you to stay the fuck out of my business and there's no way that you can expect me or my boyfriend to be polite to you henceforth. Just the same, I cannot vouch for anyone else who knows or cares about me. So consider this as one last chance. But if you need a lawsuit to get you to back off, then so be it.

After all, the most embarrassment I am going to face is that I called you an asshole and I believe, given the circumstances, I was and still am justified. And my parents know I did this and don’t think I was wrong. But you have committed crimes as serious as stalking a young woman over the internet, harassing her with e-mails (that amount to borderline verbal and mental abuse) and suggested she commit suicide because her life is worthless. So you decide whether you want to be faced with all of these charges and cause embarrassment to your family or stay away from me and my blog, it’s totally up to you.

Oh, and to conclude, I may not have accomplished much with my life, but as far as you are concerned, my life has given you something to do over weekends when you don’t have anything or anyone else to entertain you. So my life is not totally pointless, you see?

Nikita Azad.

P.S.: I know it is not that difficult to comment under some assumed name and I know you will be tempted to do that. But have some respect for yourself and for once, grow a pair and speak up using your real identity.

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